Remember 2004? Well I, Pascale aka Patricia Bikini, remember it all too well. April 2004 is the month I caught “Lara Roxx”. Sixteen years later, nine long years after the release of Mia Donovan’s “Inside Lara Roxx” I am still receiving fan mail from people who want to hug me through the screen.
Today, pushing forty, I don’t want to be remembered for a silly mistake that cost me my health at the beginning of adulthood. I am so much more than that, I never ever felt defined by pornography or HIV. I have been using Periscope as Patricia Bikini since September 2015. Pay my bills by freelancing as a graphic designer since 2013. I always knew I wanted to make movies, well ever since my dad told me at age four I couldn’t be Madonna… In high-school, I always took the artistic options whether it was drama club, plastic arts, theater class, graphics, creative writing, media communication; I was all over it.
I have been through a lot since my name was last brought up in households, over dinner. I have learned from my experiences, I grown from remembering where I am from understanding where I am going. I found out that love is a real thing, not just a lie we tell ourselves to explain why we fuck, that once you truly love, you can never stop loving, no matter how much you dislike the object of your love. Above all I learned to know myself, who I am as an individual, how that relates to the world, learned to truly appreciate, love and respect myself for the person that I am with all my flaws.
When my father, after showing me Star Wars, asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I asked what are those people called?, pointing at the television. Dad asked, “actors?” -no the people who invented the world – Dad: screenwriter? Director? – yes that… that was a defining moment for me.
Two years ago I wrote this:
“At 35 life has come full circle and she realizes she wasted a shitload of time proving her parents wrong.” I don’t think it was time wasted anymore, I think it’s the time I needed to find myself, find what truly makes me happy. Bottom line is: happiness, wellbeing, serenity, inner peace, love, call it whatever you like, is what motivates every single human being to do all and everything we do.
So I am making my first film “Who is Inside Lara Roxx” (not the final title yet) Because making films was the original plan, because what better way to practice a medium I only know in theory than with a subject I know and understand better than anyone, myself? Because it’s part of a bigger plan I have for myself and my environment. Because I wants you to meet my father, my rock, see him for the man that he is and not the man he wasn’t in Mia’s film. Above all, I believes my family deserves an apology for being forced to catch “Lara Roxx” with me and being dragged into the public’s, let’s be honest, not very thoughtful and extremely judgmental eye. I want this film for my loved one and I admit, feeding my detractors with whole foods is a nice perspective.
I want to personally thank you for your continuous support ever since mine and my family’s life was altered forever. I love you guys and thanks for your love and admiration, even at a time when it felt undeserved.
Thanks for everything,
Pascale A. Abitbol
- My father, Daniel Abitbol
- Film director, Mia Donovan
- BFF, Rachel Parent
- My mother, Mireille Sterl
- My sister, Karine Abitbol
- Myself, Pascale A Abitbol
- Youth therapist, Diane Frenette
What this film is going to need the most is time, time from professionals that we can’t afford, so I am asking you for your help, if you have both time to donate and relevant experience to documentary film making, film making in general, we need your help.
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